Well.....My last post was about how I had gotten through my month long ordeal with migraines, which had ended in an ER trip for the worst of them, and which induced a trip to a new Neurologist, who finally prscribed something that actually seemed to be helping! And how, "knock on wood", I'd actually had a couple of weeks off from pain. Yeah!!
Well, no sooner did I post that, then what happens? Thursday night, the perfect storm hits again. Stress, tremendous sinus pressure, working on the computer....which is very difficult on me and is sometimes a trigger for my migraines....and just plain old fatigue, all came together to bring on another doozy of a migraine!
I'd already taken OTC migraine meds that day, which weren't doing squat for my headache. Thursday night I could tell it was blowing up into a migraine, but I didn
t have any prescription meds like Imitrex, only Darvocet. But Darvocet doesn't seem to do much for me but relax me a little. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. So by nighttime, I had to take the Darvocet and hope for the best. It used to work for me, but most of the time, if it is a bad migraine, Darvocet doesn't do squat for the real heavy duty migraines.
Anyway, my neurologist had told me that he wanted me to be on a higher dose of Topomax,......(which again, is an anti-seizure medicine he prescribed for my seizures as well as for prevention of my migraines).....because he was sure my migraines would return on just the lowest beginning dosage.
But I didn't want to take a higher dosage, if I didn't absolutely have to. I just don't like taking prescription meds, especially on a regular basis and at higher dosages for fear of side effects and becoming dependent on them.
So I told him that I would start out at the 25mg dose and see how I do, and at that time, so far so good. I had 3 whole weeks with no migraines, happy, happy!
But the other night goes to show that maybe he was right. I will get the 50mg prescription filled and see how that goes.
Anyway, so Thursday night, last night, (Jeez! Was it only last night?!) I took the Darvocet, tossed and turned all night in abject misery, got no sleep and by the time Lance got up, I had already awoken again from another fitful little snooze, and yippee got to see the sun come up. Ugh!
So today, I was awake before him, waiting for him to rub my neck, my head, my temples, my anything to help me get some semblance of relief. I actually got in the shower before he was out the door. Although everything in me was screaming to stay in bed, I was so tired and in so much pain, sometimes the hot water pounding on my neck and shoulders relives the tension. So I got my weary body and my bleery-eyed head under the hottest water I could stand. Then I went back to bed until the very last minute I could, finally dropping off into a deep sleep.
A very short hour and a half later, I awoke to the sound of Blake and Emily walking around, playing, so I curled up under the covers, dreading the clanging of noise that comes with the day. But of course, mommies don't get days off, LOL.
Shortly thereafter, the play became fussing and Mommy, migraine or no, needed to get up and get breakfast and get to the business of living.....
I went into my the chiropractor today at my doctor's office for an emergency adjustment as I could feel that everything was completely tied up in knots and that has helped.
Tonight I still have the residual throbbing, underlying pain that feels like it is threatening to blow up again. So I need to get off the computer. But I just wanted to document this for myself, if for nothing else. It is helping me to get an idea as to the times and durations of these things.
One thing in all of this.....when you are so used to pain, you sure appreciate days without it! LOL
Maybe tomorrow will be a good day. I hope so, it's Saturday. I really want to enjoy a Saturday with the family.
My neck is burning right now from sitting here....so gotta go.
Blog ya later....
Friday, August 15, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Where Have I Been?!
Oh my gosh! I can't believe it's been so long! Life get's in the way doesn't it?
Well, best laid plans of mice and men, as they say.......
I have cut down on the dishes....good
Papers...still working on it. Ugh!
Laundry....Much better. But still Ugh!
I actually got some real organization done this month in my room, my closet, my pantry and laundry room. Yeah! I am beginning to weed through old clothes of Emily's because school is starting and she is needing new clothes anyway. She has already grown out of all but 3 pair of her shoes, 2 of which are sandals and since her school requires closed toe shoes, we need to buy new shoes, too.
But most of all, I have been weighed down under a mountain of emotional and physical stress this last month. I actually went into the ER for the first time in my life for a migraine. And wouldn't you know it was on July 4th! Blake had gone into the ER the night before for this terrible stomach virus that came out of nowhere, poor baby. And then, after I'd already been battling migraines for 3 weeks, after I'd been up all night the night before with Blake in the hospital, then it was my turn.
I got the most aweful, please let me die right now, leave me alone, migraines! It was the most horrendous migraine I have ever had in my life. It seemed to stem from my neck this time. I thought there was something seriously wrong with my neck. I have believed for some time that maybe my migraines are caused by some sort of neck damage. I wanted them to take MRIs of my neck because there was a huge bulge there, on teh left side, right where it has happened many times before, but of course, every time I get into the doctor, it is gone and it is not of concern, at least not enough to take MRIs or anything. Well, when I finally got into the room, which was like 4 hours later!, since I had history of Mograines the ER doctor refused to take up expensive equipment testing and wanted me to go to my primary care physician and schedule these tests. Which of course was missing the point, because I wanted to have the MRI done while I had this huge bulging on my neck! LOL.
Anyway, I was still happy just to have the pain meds and a shot for the nausea because nothing I had taken, even my prescription migrained meds had worked this time. He let me rest in the dark room while the meds set in and sent me home after I was able to move again. I got into the car and laid there weakly while we drove around looking for a spot to watch fireworks because I didn't want the kids to miss this opportunity. I wanted to go straight to bed, for sure. But the meds were working like a miracle. I could actually look at the fireworks and not cringe. Fortunately we found a little spot on teh side of the road right before they started and got a pretty good view although it wasn't the grand evening we'd planned on. :(
Well, that was the worst of the migraines. I am happy to say (knock on wood)that I found a neurologist, a Dr Yankov, who seriously has taken in all of my symptoms and my history of these seizures that I have had in the past, and he prescribed an anti-seizure medication Topomax.
Oh my Gosh! What a Godsend! I have not been a proponent of prescription anti-depressants, since I got very dependent on Effexor and had a very hard time getting off of it. But I can tell you after dealing with almost daily migraines for several weeks, and going to the ER, it was making it impossible to function every day.
I was crying practically everyday at some point because of the pain, the pain caused frustration and depression, and the inability to function caused depression.....it was just a vicious cycle!
Well, once I started taking the Topomax, I have not had a migraine since! It has been at least 2 almost 3 weeks. I have had the beginnings of a headache but no migraines! Yippeeee!
It is AMAZING how much better life is without constant PAIN!!!!!!
I actually took Emily to the pool the other day!
Now why I began having migraines again, all of a sudden, is something of a mystery to me, because I hadn't had many in the several months since moving to SA.
I have had some sinus problems as well and am getting them under control with Advair, Allegra and Nasocort. ALthough honestly I haven't been taking the Advair and the Nasocort spray regularly. The Allegra is a antihistimine that keeps me pretty dried up. No drowsiness so far!
The other reason I haven't posted in a while is that I have been inundated with some family matters for the last few weeks that needed to be dealt with, and to be honest they were quite draining. In fact, they may have been part of the reason I was having so many migraines.
It has been a tough few weeks and hopefully healing will be the result. It is so difficult and painful to go through the process of family crisis and healing.
And I am going to get a little thoughtful here, because it is just flowing through my mind right now......
Why is it that we have to be broken before we can heal?
As I grow older, it seems that everytime I look at myself, I find something else that needs fixing. It's like a leg that has grown crooked or something. It needs to be broken and reset, so to speak. I find that I have learned things about myself that I don't like, or I see patterns that need to be reset, ways of thinking that need to be adjusted, and habits that just need to be thrown out and replaced.
Sure there are things about other people in family crisis that hurt you, and those are the things that you have to express to them, but there are so many things that I have to change in myself too if I want to be whole, if I want to be who God intended me to be.
That is my biggest struggle right now. Me. How do I deal with the people in my life, when I am so flawed! I react in anger so easily. I find that my heart is so easily hurt, that I have let my guard down and that it is not protected with the Holy Spirit as it was when I was a child or when I was a teenager. I was always so grounded in my faith. I have lost that somewhere along the way.
I have let the Armour of God fall away, slowly but surely. I have allowed Life to "get in the way". You know, when my husband and I were going through some really difficult times, I thought I was handling it pretty well. I was holding onto my faith. I still had my family. I was still loved and respected by everyone around me.
But I was still yet to be tested. My faith didn't falter, my joy for life didn't really start fading until I experienced real, deep, personal and personally directed Hurts. Hurts inflicted by people I loved most in the world.
But looking back now I have found something very interesting in even this. Even though they were great hurts, and not to be taken lightly, I have LET the hurts of the people closest to me chip away at my Spiritual Armour. I have LET the battles of the day, the Trials of Life, the Struggles of Sin triumph in little ways. Depression, loss of opportunity, time itself slips away......people who I could have influenced for Christ weren't.....
If I were a warrior, I would be a weak example, the arms that should hold the Shield of Faith are weak, instead of strengthened with the knowledge of, and the sure foundation of Scripture.
What am I saying? Of course I am a warrior! Rise up and Fight!
What I have struggled with is common to man. We all struggle with many things, with many burdens. We are all at different stages of learning. God is Faithful, even though I am not.
We had Communion Sunday. The sermon was about Empowering women. I think it was quite appropriate that God had healed all of us from our sinus problems at the same time and we were all able to go to church today. I wept like a baby. This sermon hit me like a ton of bricks and a breath of fresh air at the same time. I alwayd wonder if I should feel guilty for wanting to be so much more than I am. I am always feel like I am just a shadow of who I want to be.
And it felt like God was calling me to walk forward in faith that He had more for me. More to learn, more to be, more to do. Don't be afraid to step out, Melanie. I'm Here.
I repented of so many things. I rejoiced in His Mercy that He is faithful and He wanted me enough to call me to Salvation. I am Forever His! God be Praised! He alone is Worthy!
Well, best laid plans of mice and men, as they say.......
I have cut down on the dishes....good
Papers...still working on it. Ugh!
Laundry....Much better. But still Ugh!
I actually got some real organization done this month in my room, my closet, my pantry and laundry room. Yeah! I am beginning to weed through old clothes of Emily's because school is starting and she is needing new clothes anyway. She has already grown out of all but 3 pair of her shoes, 2 of which are sandals and since her school requires closed toe shoes, we need to buy new shoes, too.
But most of all, I have been weighed down under a mountain of emotional and physical stress this last month. I actually went into the ER for the first time in my life for a migraine. And wouldn't you know it was on July 4th! Blake had gone into the ER the night before for this terrible stomach virus that came out of nowhere, poor baby. And then, after I'd already been battling migraines for 3 weeks, after I'd been up all night the night before with Blake in the hospital, then it was my turn.
I got the most aweful, please let me die right now, leave me alone, migraines! It was the most horrendous migraine I have ever had in my life. It seemed to stem from my neck this time. I thought there was something seriously wrong with my neck. I have believed for some time that maybe my migraines are caused by some sort of neck damage. I wanted them to take MRIs of my neck because there was a huge bulge there, on teh left side, right where it has happened many times before, but of course, every time I get into the doctor, it is gone and it is not of concern, at least not enough to take MRIs or anything. Well, when I finally got into the room, which was like 4 hours later!, since I had history of Mograines the ER doctor refused to take up expensive equipment testing and wanted me to go to my primary care physician and schedule these tests. Which of course was missing the point, because I wanted to have the MRI done while I had this huge bulging on my neck! LOL.
Anyway, I was still happy just to have the pain meds and a shot for the nausea because nothing I had taken, even my prescription migrained meds had worked this time. He let me rest in the dark room while the meds set in and sent me home after I was able to move again. I got into the car and laid there weakly while we drove around looking for a spot to watch fireworks because I didn't want the kids to miss this opportunity. I wanted to go straight to bed, for sure. But the meds were working like a miracle. I could actually look at the fireworks and not cringe. Fortunately we found a little spot on teh side of the road right before they started and got a pretty good view although it wasn't the grand evening we'd planned on. :(
Well, that was the worst of the migraines. I am happy to say (knock on wood)that I found a neurologist, a Dr Yankov, who seriously has taken in all of my symptoms and my history of these seizures that I have had in the past, and he prescribed an anti-seizure medication Topomax.
Oh my Gosh! What a Godsend! I have not been a proponent of prescription anti-depressants, since I got very dependent on Effexor and had a very hard time getting off of it. But I can tell you after dealing with almost daily migraines for several weeks, and going to the ER, it was making it impossible to function every day.
I was crying practically everyday at some point because of the pain, the pain caused frustration and depression, and the inability to function caused depression.....it was just a vicious cycle!
Well, once I started taking the Topomax, I have not had a migraine since! It has been at least 2 almost 3 weeks. I have had the beginnings of a headache but no migraines! Yippeeee!
It is AMAZING how much better life is without constant PAIN!!!!!!
I actually took Emily to the pool the other day!
Now why I began having migraines again, all of a sudden, is something of a mystery to me, because I hadn't had many in the several months since moving to SA.
I have had some sinus problems as well and am getting them under control with Advair, Allegra and Nasocort. ALthough honestly I haven't been taking the Advair and the Nasocort spray regularly. The Allegra is a antihistimine that keeps me pretty dried up. No drowsiness so far!
The other reason I haven't posted in a while is that I have been inundated with some family matters for the last few weeks that needed to be dealt with, and to be honest they were quite draining. In fact, they may have been part of the reason I was having so many migraines.
It has been a tough few weeks and hopefully healing will be the result. It is so difficult and painful to go through the process of family crisis and healing.
And I am going to get a little thoughtful here, because it is just flowing through my mind right now......
Why is it that we have to be broken before we can heal?
As I grow older, it seems that everytime I look at myself, I find something else that needs fixing. It's like a leg that has grown crooked or something. It needs to be broken and reset, so to speak. I find that I have learned things about myself that I don't like, or I see patterns that need to be reset, ways of thinking that need to be adjusted, and habits that just need to be thrown out and replaced.
Sure there are things about other people in family crisis that hurt you, and those are the things that you have to express to them, but there are so many things that I have to change in myself too if I want to be whole, if I want to be who God intended me to be.
That is my biggest struggle right now. Me. How do I deal with the people in my life, when I am so flawed! I react in anger so easily. I find that my heart is so easily hurt, that I have let my guard down and that it is not protected with the Holy Spirit as it was when I was a child or when I was a teenager. I was always so grounded in my faith. I have lost that somewhere along the way.
I have let the Armour of God fall away, slowly but surely. I have allowed Life to "get in the way". You know, when my husband and I were going through some really difficult times, I thought I was handling it pretty well. I was holding onto my faith. I still had my family. I was still loved and respected by everyone around me.
But I was still yet to be tested. My faith didn't falter, my joy for life didn't really start fading until I experienced real, deep, personal and personally directed Hurts. Hurts inflicted by people I loved most in the world.
But looking back now I have found something very interesting in even this. Even though they were great hurts, and not to be taken lightly, I have LET the hurts of the people closest to me chip away at my Spiritual Armour. I have LET the battles of the day, the Trials of Life, the Struggles of Sin triumph in little ways. Depression, loss of opportunity, time itself slips away......people who I could have influenced for Christ weren't.....
If I were a warrior, I would be a weak example, the arms that should hold the Shield of Faith are weak, instead of strengthened with the knowledge of, and the sure foundation of Scripture.
What am I saying? Of course I am a warrior! Rise up and Fight!
What I have struggled with is common to man. We all struggle with many things, with many burdens. We are all at different stages of learning. God is Faithful, even though I am not.
We had Communion Sunday. The sermon was about Empowering women. I think it was quite appropriate that God had healed all of us from our sinus problems at the same time and we were all able to go to church today. I wept like a baby. This sermon hit me like a ton of bricks and a breath of fresh air at the same time. I alwayd wonder if I should feel guilty for wanting to be so much more than I am. I am always feel like I am just a shadow of who I want to be.
And it felt like God was calling me to walk forward in faith that He had more for me. More to learn, more to be, more to do. Don't be afraid to step out, Melanie. I'm Here.
I repented of so many things. I rejoiced in His Mercy that He is faithful and He wanted me enough to call me to Salvation. I am Forever His! God be Praised! He alone is Worthy!
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